There have been days where I’ve felt so neutral yet clear minded. Despite setting and achieving goals, I was so indifferent.
I kept checking in to see if it was depression… it wasn’t, I’ve been depressed before… this wasn’t it. Not sad, not worried, not lacking anything just…here. Here knowing that none of these trivial human things matter unless we decide that they matter and even then everything is temporary unless we choose to remember/continue them.
I used to think that I kept being in the right place at the right time…whether divinely timed or serendipitously. I recently started considering that it’s not where I am, but who I am…. Or rather who I choose to be.
If I choose to be a helpful or wise person then I’ll constantly find myself in situations where I can help or counsel people.
Before my cross country train trip, I committed to following the example that Christ set. I set out to be a servant and spread unconditional love. I detached from other aspirations and senses of self. I wanted my will to not only align with Abba’s, but to become such a consensus that the two were indiscernible… or simply one.
I definitely lost my sense of self and drive along the way. So much so that I forgot I was a musician several times… But that’s what Columbus, MS knew me as… and kept requesting of me. So I became one again… not that I stopped being one, but ya know what I mean.
It’s fascinating the power that we have to fill or empty ourselves. We are universes and can sculpt ourselves as we see fit.
I’ve enjoyed being still and listening to others. It’s helped me better understand man and has helped me to help them better understand themselves.
I’ve been able to release so many traumas that weren’t serving me, while still appreciating the beauty they created within me.
I have so much peace that I don’t really cling to life. I’m not rushing to end it; I’m just saying: If I were to die right now, I’d be content with this life I’ve walked and the fruit it’s given me… I have a couple more altruistic goals, but if I don’t fulfill them during my season here… that’s ok.
That’s where I’m at these days. That’s who I am these days.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk 😅
Peace and Love
-Joshua
Musician Goes Monk 