Abba

Abba: The Aramaic term abba (אבא, Hebrew: אב (ab), “father”) appears in traditional Jewish liturgy and Jewish prayers to God, e.g. in the Kaddish (קדיש, Qaddish Aramaic, Hebrew: קדש (Qādash), “holy”).

I’ve been calling God “Abba” these days.

If I’m speaking to the general public or don’t know their religious/spiritual background, then I say ” The Universe”

This past year has been a wild ride. February 2121, I set off to be a servant and to spread unconditional love. I aimed to lose my ego and submit to Abba’ s will. It’s been thrilling and honestly, terrifying at times. I’ve traveled and grown so much. So much so, that when I stop and look at where i am and even Who I Am, I don’t recognize myself

Ive been changing. Ive been healing. Ive been waking up. I no longer tolerate things that don’t serve me; whether its toxic habits, unhealthy thoughts, or even unfruitful conversations. Ive been striving to nourish my mind, body ,and soul. I’m holistically healthier than I’ve ever been. I see things clearer, these days, and speak boldly when compelled.

I used to think that I kept ending up at the right place at the right time, but perhaps its Who I Am and not where I am.

A fortune cookie once told me “charity begin at home”

I didn’t understand it, at first, so I held on to it.

Ultimately, I’ve grown to realize that kindness and amelioration has to start within. The better we love and support ourselves, the greater our capacity to uplift others.

If your pantry is fully stocked, when you notice that your neighbor is hungry, gifting them groceries or cooking them dinner is effortless and reflexive.

Similarly, working out your mental, spiritual and emotional battles, gives you the strength, wisdom, and clarity to support others who happen to be on a similar journeys.

I’ve been taking leaps of faith fully trusting that Abba will catch me.

I never fall.

I do however find myself in seasons of isolation and uncertainty. That alone time with myself has been heavy. I’ve resolved residual traumas I didn’t know I was still carrying along with me. Those season of uncertainty have sparked anxiety within me. I consistently double down on believing that “It will work out; things always work out”

I was taught, in my youth, that that is how faith works. It’s the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. That is so counter intuitive to how we are wired as a species. We don’t like uncertainty. We don’t like being at the hands of uncontrollable forces. I mean, thats why we stopped being hunter-gatherers and began farming, and raising cattle. Thats why we built shelter from the weather, near rivers. Security.

My security lies within Something intangible; yet, I feel and hear It constantly.

I have friends all over this country that love me like family. Strangers and I have locked eyes and immediately seen each others souls. On my darkest days I’ve obeyed the whisper and have been recharged every time by the most unexpected circumstances.

I have seen, felt and heard Abba through so many souls along my journey.

People keep telling me how special I am. They say they have never met anyone like me. It happens all the time. I’ve stopped deflecting it. I say “thank you”( one of my bosses once told me ” thank you is always classy”) I struggle to accept it though. Not because I don’t want to believe it- we all want to be special -but because I don’t want my ego to eclipse my humility.

I want people to see that this light, that they adore, is not my own, I am simply a moon.

I want people to know that they too can take these leaps of faith and pour out this same love.

I want people to know that nothing sets me apart from them other than my deep unconditional love for them, through Abba.